Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
