i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
