apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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