you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
