No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
