Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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