The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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