i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
