There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
