Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
