her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize