dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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