your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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