I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
