Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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