When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
