i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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