The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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