i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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