oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize