The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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