I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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