I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize