Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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