i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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