when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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