I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yo dont text me then not text me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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