mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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