you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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