I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize
