dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i think my cat just said my name.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
