I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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