allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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