Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
