Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
