How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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