My liver just broke up with me...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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