I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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