Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
