I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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