saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize