the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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