I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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