I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
