just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
