This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
