So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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