Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
