You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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