Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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