Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
