You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
