Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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