I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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