Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
