I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
