Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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