That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
