Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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