As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
