i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
