hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
