so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
they need to just BURY HIM!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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