Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
