I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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