i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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