the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
