I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
