so explain again why im purple
no
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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