Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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