My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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