he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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