so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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