whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
