ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
nutella sex= disaster
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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