Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize