shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
